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U.S. DEPARTMENT OF WAR

"At Least We're Honest Now™"

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🏢 Department Directory

Bureau of Conflict Escalation

Director: General Hugh G. Warr

Email: more.war@usdeptofwar.com

Hours: 24/7 (Conflicts Don't Sleep)

Direct line to weapons manufacturers

Office of Democracy Export

Director: Ambassador Freedom McLiberty

Email: democracy.delivery@usdeptofwar.com

Hours: Mon-Fri 9-5 (Wars scheduled accordingly)

Success Rate: [REDACTED]

Division of Budget Expansion

Director: Admiral Penny Wise-Pound Foolish

Email: money.printer@usdeptofwar.com

Hours: 24/7 (Money Never Sleeps)

Current Deficit: ∞ + 1 Trillion

Department of Enemy Designation

Director: Colonel Paranoid McThreat

Email: new.enemies@usdeptofwar.com

Hours: Always Watching

Current Enemies: Everyone Not Us

Ministry of Truth (Propaganda Division)

Director: General Spin McDoctrine

Email: truth.adjustment@usdeptofwar.com

Hours: Always Broadcasting

Truth Level: Adjustable As Needed

Military-Industrial Complex Relations

Director: CEO-General Profit Margin

Email: revolving.door@usdeptofwar.com

Hours: Whenever Stocks Need Boosting

ROI: 2000% (Souls Not Included)