Your Direct Line to Democracy Distribution and Conflict Management
Director: General Hugh G. Warr
Email: more.war@pentagon.mil
Hours: 24/7 (Conflicts Don't Sleep)
Director: Ambassador Freedom McLiberty
Email: democracy.delivery@state.mil
Hours: Mon-Fri 9-5 (Wars scheduled accordingly)
Director: Admiral Penny Wise-Pound Foolish
Email: money.printer@treasury.mil
Hours: 24/7 (Money Never Sleeps)
Director: Colonel Paranoid McThreat
Email: new.enemies@pentagon.mil
Hours: Always Watching
Director: General Spin McDoctrine
Email: truth.adjustment@propaganda.mil
Hours: Always Broadcasting
Director: CEO-General Profit Margin
Email: revolving.door@contractors.mil
Hours: Whenever Stocks Need Boosting
For urgent freedom installations requiring same-day bombing
When your war is under-funded and democracy is at risk
When scandals need military distractions immediately
When defense contractor shares drop below acceptable levels
Department of War
Strategic War Command