ADVANCED AIRCRAFT PROCUREMENT DIVISION
"Making the Impossible Disappear Since Never"
Pentagon officials launch massive search operation for F-47 "Ghost Phantom" after successful invisibility test renders aircraft "aggressively undetectable" to everyone, including its own pilots
WASHINGTON - The Department of War's most advanced stealth fighter, the $50 billion F-47 "Ghost Phantom," has achieved the ultimate in invisibility technology—it has completely disappeared from Edwards Air Force Base, leaving military officials scratching their heads and checking empty hangars for the third consecutive week.
| Specification | Details | Current Status |
|---|---|---|
| Cost | $50.7 billion per unit | Missing, assumed invisible |
| Stealth Rating | Absolutely Invisible to All Detection Methods | Too successful |
| Length | 73.2 feet (probably) | Unknown - can't measure invisible jet |
| Wingspan | 47.8 feet (theoretically) | Invisible wingspan is unmeasurable |
| Max Speed | Mach 3.7 | Could be anywhere by now |
| Payload | 20,000 lbs ordnance | Hopefully not armed |
| Pilot Visibility | Advanced HUD with 360° awareness | Pilot also invisible, status unknown |
| Fuel Capacity | 18,000 lbs | May still be flying somewhere |
| Radar Cross Section | Negative infinity | Achievement unlocked |
| GPS Tracking | Military-grade positioning system | System shows jet is everywhere and nowhere |
August 15, 2025 - 0600 Hours: F-47 "Ghost Phantom" undergoes final pre-flight systems check. All 47,000 sensors report "normal" status.
August 15, 2025 - 0630 Hours: Test pilot Captain Sarah Vanish reports "aircraft looking good" during taxi to runway. Ground crew confirms they can still see the jet "sort of."
August 15, 2025 - 0700 Hours: Invisibility systems activated during takeoff. Air traffic control immediately loses visual contact, as planned.
August 15, 2025 - 0702 Hours: Pilot reports successful activation of "Maximum Stealth Mode." Radio contact established but jet no longer visible on any spectrum.
August 15, 2025 - 0703 Hours: Pilot says "Whoa, I can't see the aircraft either. This is either really cool or really bad." Last confirmed transmission.
August 15, 2025 - 0715 Hours: Control tower attempts radio contact. No response. Jet has completely vanished from all tracking systems.
August 16, 2025 - All Day: Massive search operation launched. 847 aircraft deployed to look for missing jet. None can find anything because there's nothing visible to find.
August 20, 2025: Pentagon declares jet "successfully invisible" and "missing in action simultaneously."
September 1, 2025: Congressional hearing titled "How to Find Things That Don't Exist Visibly." No conclusions reached.
September 10, 2025: Ongoing. Jet remains invisible. Pilot presumably also invisible. Status: Schrödinger's Fighter Jet.
"The invisibility field may have created a rift in space-time, causing the aircraft to phase into an alternate dimension where it's fighting invisible aliens. This would explain the occasional radar blips we detect in the shape of explosions." - Dr. Quantum McPhysics, Theoretical Warfare Institute
"With 18,000 pounds of fuel and maximum stealth engaged, the jet could be anywhere on Earth. We've received reports of 'mysterious sonic booms' from 47 different countries, but since we can't see it, we can't confirm anything." - Colonel Rebecca Whereabouts, Search Operations
"The aircraft could be sitting right here on the base, perfectly invisible. We've implemented a new protocol of walking around with arms outstretched to avoid bumping into it. Several personnel have reported mysterious bruises." - Base Commander General Ralph Feelngs
"Our engineers may have accidentally programmed the jet with video game logic, causing it to 'clip' through solid objects. It could currently be flying underground or inside mountains. We're consulting with gaming experts." - Lieutenant Jane Debugger, Software Division
"The invisibility systems worked so well that they made the jet invisible to itself, causing it to forget it exists. It may be experiencing an existential crisis at 30,000 feet." - Dr. Philosophy Jetstream, Military Psychology
Current Search Status: Day 26 of looking for something that cannot be seen
Original Aircraft Cost: $50.7 billion
| Search Activity | Cost | Effectiveness |
|---|---|---|
| Radar Operations (24/7) | $2.3 billion | Perfect at detecting nothing |
| Search Aircraft Fuel | $847 million | Flying in circles efficiently |
| Personnel Overtime | $1.2 billion | Looking very hard |
| Satellite Time | $500 million | High-resolution photos of sky |
| Psychic Consultations | $23 million | "Jet feels distant" |
| Reward Posters | $50 million | Everyone knows jet is missing |
| International Cooperation | $300 million | Global solidarity achieved |
| New Detection Equipment | $5.7 billion | Detects everything except target |
| Total Search Costs | $10.92 billion | Jet still invisible |
Grand Total Lost: $61.62 billion (and counting)
Cost per day of searching: $420 million
Most expensive game of hide-and-seek in human history: Confirmed
The House Committee on "Things We Can't Find" held emergency hearings this week, with lawmakers demanding answers about the missing aircraft.
"This represents a fundamental breakthrough in stealth technology," testified Committee Chair Representative Susan Accountability. "The jet has achieved perfect invisibility. The only problem is that perfect invisibility includes being invisible to the people who need to use it."
Ranking member Representative Bob Fiscal argued for increased funding: "Clearly, we need to spend more money to find this jet. I propose we build 47 more invisible jets to help search for the first one. Eventually, one of them will find the others."
Test pilot Captain Sarah Vanish remains missing along with the aircraft. However, the Pentagon believes she may still be alive based on occasional radio transmissions that sound like someone ordering coffee and complaining about GPS systems.
"We've been receiving intermittent radio chatter that appears to be coming from Captain Vanish," explained Communications Officer Major Radio Silence. "Yesterday we heard what sounded like 'Can anyone see me? I've been trying to land for three weeks but all the runways look empty from up here.'"
The pilot's family has been notified that she is "invisibly missing in action" and may be "heroically lost while being completely undetectable."
Despite the setback, Pentagon officials remain optimistic about the F-47 program's future.
"This is a learning experience," said Program Director Colonel Lessons Learned. "For our next invisible fighter jet, we're installing a 'make visible again' button. It seems obvious in hindsight."
The Department has also announced plans for a "semi-invisible" version of the aircraft that can be seen by friendly forces but remains invisible to enemies. "It's like invisible ink, but for airplanes," explained Dr. Phantom.
The Department of War has issued the following advisory to all civilians:
IF YOU HEAR MYSTERIOUS JET ENGINES BUT SEE NOTHING:
A $50 billion reward is offered for information leading to the recovery of the invisible aircraft. Payment will be made in equally invisible money.