Press Releases

Technology

📅 October 10, 2025

Department of War Creates VR Simulator to Help Troops Distinguish Between 'Hostile Territory' and 'Ohio'

Following seventeen separate incidents of troops preparing tactical assaults on American strip malls, the Department of War announces deployment of its $12.8 billion OHIO-DETECT virtual reality system to teach service members the critical difference between combat zones and the American Midwest...

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Foreign Policy

📅 September 26, 2025

Space Force Requests $30 Billion to Continue Not Knowing What It Does

Chief of Space Operations announces funding requirements to maintain mission of "figuring out what we're supposed to be doing, but with better satellites and more cosmic confusion"...

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Health

📅 September 26, 2025

Pentagon Rebrands Burn Pits as "Therapeutic Aromatherapy Wellness Stations"

The Department of War unveiled its $432 million wellness program today, reclassifying military burn pits as premium aromatherapy installations designed to boost troop morale through "therapeutic smoke inhalation" and "curated aromatic exposure"...

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Budget

📅 September 10, 2025

$847 Billion Defense Budget 'Barely Covers Coffee and Paperclips'

Pentagon officials announced today that despite receiving a record-breaking $847 billion defense budget for FY2026, military leadership is concerned the funding may not adequately cover essential operational expenses such as premium coffee blends and gold-plated paperclips...

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Recruitment

📅 September 10, 2025

Pentagon Launches 'Gamer-to-Warrior' Direct Recruitment Pipeline

In an unprecedented move to modernize military recruitment, the Department of War today announced the launch of the "Gamer-to-Warrior Direct Pipeline Program," allowing skilled video game players to bypass traditional boot camp and proceed directly to active combat roles...

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Procurement

📅 September 10, 2025

$50 Billion 'Invisible' Fighter Jet Disappears Completely

Pentagon officials confirmed today that the F-35Z "Ghost Rider," a $50 billion next-generation stealth fighter jet, has achieved unprecedented invisibility by completely disappearing from existence. The aircraft, designed to be undetectable by enemy radar, has exceeded expectations...

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Partnerships

📅 September 10, 2025

Pentagon Partners with Amazon for 'Prime Drone Strike' Two-Day Delivery Service

The Department of War announced today a groundbreaking partnership with Amazon to launch "Prime Drone Strike," a revolutionary military service offering two-day delivery of precision strikes to any global location with guaranteed next-day delivery for Prime members...

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U.S. DEPARTMENT OF WAR

Search Results:

Department of War Creates VR Simulator to Help Troops Distinguish Between 'Hostile Territory' and 'Ohio'

Space Force Requests $30 Billion to Continue Not Knowing What It Does

Pentagon Rebrands Burn Pits as "Therapeutic Aromatherapy Wellness Stations"

$847 Billion Defense Budget 'Barely Covers Coffee and Paperclips'

Pentagon Launches 'Gamer-to-Warrior' Direct Recruitment Pipeline

$50 Billion 'Invisible' Fighter Jet Disappears Completely

Pentagon Partners with Amazon for 'Prime Drone Strike' Two-Day Delivery Service